I”m talking about forgiveness. My other favorite “F” word doesn’t as much use now that I’ve taken on the role of mother. But, just for the record I admire both.
Forgiveness is on my mind. Motherhood has taught me many deep lessons and one that stands out right now is the power of forgiveness. Unfortunately, we often equate forgiveness with weakness. We resist forgiving because we think it means we are giving our power away or we are condoning the actions of the person who harmed us. So, instead of forgiving we turn to anger as our “safe space”, we feel well guarded and protected there. But, are we really? Holding onto toxic emotions takes its toll on the body manifesting in dis-ease and illness, disconnecting us from our “self” and our relationship with others. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we are giving our power away nor does it mean that we have to ignore our suffering. Forgiveness has the power to release us from the bondage of anger and resentment. It is the path to the peace we are seeking and gives us the emotional and energetic space that is needed to gain a deeper understanding of our self. It’s time we redefine our relationship with forgiveness.
“Until we have seen someone else’s darkness, we don’t really know who they are.
Until we have forgiven someone else’s darkness, we don’t really know what love is.”
As a step-parent I have, inadvertently, inherited some residual “baggae” from my husband’s previous relationship which can easily pull me into a tailspin of anger and resentment. But motherhood has taught me that I can do better than that. I need to be a role model of self care and self love. And, to me, forgiveness is the most beautiful expression of self love and compassion. So, how can one practice forgiveness? Here are a few ideas…
- Visualization: Envision the person you are offering forgiveness to in their purest, most innocent form, maybe picturing them as a baby or child can help. As you envision them, practice sending love and wishing for that person’s healing and happiness. Note the word, practice, this is not a linear process and requires lots of patience, self-love and, in some cases, support from your village; a therapist, energy healer, or good friend. Marianne Williamson suggests praying for the person once a day for 30 days. This powerful practice can shift, not only your energy but the other person’s energy as well.
- Energetic healing: Techniques like chakra balancing or the use of crystals can support you in the practice of forgiveness. One can begin by focusing on the heart chakra, or Anahata, which relates to compassion, healing, divine love, self-love and transformation. For suggestions on how to clear the heart chakra click here. Additionally, crystals can be used to clear one’s energetic field giving us more space for the healing process to begin. Click here for an introduction to the healing powers of crystals.
- Essential oils: They’re more than just pleasing to the senses, essential oils have the power to heal on an emotional level. While there are many essential oil companies to chose from, I tend to gravitate toward Young Living Oils, particularly their “Forgiveness” blend can come in handy! You can read more about it here.
- Talk it out: Our resistance to forgiveness often stems from early childhood experiences and traumatic events which trigger feelings of loss, resentment, and powerlessness. These deeply rooted wounds can be challenging to process through on our own even with the suggestions noted above. Sometimes we need a more intimate level of support to help us in healing and forgiveness. Therapists who specialize in somatic therapy or other body based approaches to trauma healing can offer the guidance and nurturing presence needed to process through this trauma.
There’s no right or wrong way to heal. If you’re unsure of where to begin, try one of the suggestions above, if you need more support please contact me by clicking here.
Wishing you deep peace,